One. Two. Three.
Type.

25/25 on my paper.
I was proud, and almost in disbelief there was no grammatical errors.

Besides that.
I'm crossing my fingers I get Meg for shadow day.  I turned it in two days ago and I requested her, so I think I may.
I would love to show my favorite 8th grader around the school.
I think I will, but I won't jinx it.

I've been thinking about it ever since 5th hour today.
Why do I put my fear before how I really feel/ think?
What Heather told me at lunch, I just wanted to slam my head agaisnt the wall.
How could I have been so stupid?
Then.
Then there are those times when I just don't know, and now I'm looking back and asking why did I act like that?
I've only got one life to live, and here I am...almost waisting it.
I just I'm just afraid I may ruin my chances.
It scares me to death to get into another argument with a close friend.
It scares the living shit out of me to lose a friend that's close.
Maybe I don't lose them completely, but that close bond, it scares me that I'll lose it again.
I can't go through that again.  
I just can't.
It'll kill me.  I value the bonds in my life with my life.
I hate hurting someone else, when I do, It hurts me bad.
But.
Being so afraid isn't healthy.  If I'm afraid forever, then I'll never take any chances, and I'll end up all alone in the end, just like a bad ending in a fairy tale.
But if I embrace the new changes destiny has provided, then maybe, just maybe, I'll have a happy ending after all.

Today Mr. Brock said that everything happens for a reason.
I believe him.
If things didn't happen to a reason, then why would they happen? Just because?

No.

You just don't meet a great friend for no reason.
I don't believe that.
I believe people meet each other for a reason.  It may seem unclear or not, but I truly think that something will hit, and when it does.
More pieces will fit into this giant puzzle.
It'll make sense.

Actually.
I was awake enough for most of the homily during mass today.
What gives you value.
The respect and the understanding you have for yourself as a human being.
That would have been my answer if hadn't fell asleep.
I know,
Shame on me, sleeping in Mass.
I couldn't help it.

Besides that point.
I keep telling myself.
When I can drive, one day after school I'm not going to go home, I'm going to go to a nice little park, sit on a hilltop, let the wind guide my thoughts, and sketch in my book.
Then I'll go home.
Sometimes, being alone is one of those true times where your inner thoughts can be under your control.

What do I really want?
Why am I here?
Why am I who I am? 

Some questions I have for myself.

Wait.
See.
I get off subject easily.
My hands just type, and I guess I write journals for the hell of it.
I've been doing it for a year now.
I don't know if it's good or bad.
Right or wrong.
Or even if they make sense half the time...hehe.

So I had an urge today..they usually happen if Mr. Brock says something good in class that day. XD.

But.
Still.
I'm that type of kid who quotes song lyrics half the time.
Heh. Heh.

So I hope you can just stay for just another day.
...Or two.

:) 

(Inspired by: High Life and Christmas Present by The Rocket Summer. A.K.A. The soundtrack to my life.)